Mallya Piles up millions by making Pandey Fairer
Reported by Mallya from Revenge pur (India) Nirmal's fairness makes Abhishek mallya a billionare Thanks to the terrific makeover of the veteran supervisor Nirmal Pandey (Popular Known as Norman) Abhishek Kotwal and his new product is piling billions of ugandian Dollars (Currency of Uganda where Nirmal originally hails from), according to few reports from Uganda Times, Nirmal who was considered as one of darkest guy has turned into a fair and handsome STUD due to regular use of Mallya Cream , which also comes with a sticky after use solution. Such is the craze of this product that all stores are reporting soaring sales, and its FB page has more than 1 million likes, more than that of the offical page of the celebrated Ugandian superstar Thomas Pace, who has brought one thousand packs citing personal use, Investigation by Uganada times has assumed that thomas would use Mallya cream instead of water in his bathtub (taking a cue from nirmal) but it cannot be confirmed by any legitimate authority. Thrilled by the response, Abhishek has pitched to offer Nirmal Hair smoothner cream, and Avin Straight cream which would result in quick growth of hair and instant attraction for other guys, Avin who gave up his vehement stance against misusing water on things like Bathing has advocated the use of this cream, and is expected to buy cream for all the pendricks process, Obama too would use Mallaya's cream for fairness after Michelle complained that she wasn't able to see him in night time due to his dark complexion. Mallya is also expected to meet Supermodels like Miss Paul, Miss Davidson, Miss Matthews and Miss Nash to endorse the products also a pool of charming models like Ronny and Vinish has been roped in, to skyrocket the sales, notwithstanding the biggest challenge remains to convert Ambi into a Gora Maanush, which seems to be a difficult task, but Mallaya and Company are all set to take on this challenge and they have claimed that they would make Ambi the tom cruise of Uganda
Sunny Leone joins Tracmail, SIR demands tracmail ratna for her.
According to the recent reports, superstar Sunny leone has decided to join tracmail as an ESR (Employee Service Representative), she would co-handle it along with John Ray. John, who has worked with AIGF for 3 years 7 months and 7 days (377) has claimed that every section of the corporation would feel energetic and motivated, and so much was the enthusiam in tracmail that Pendrick collected $15000.00 in a single day, and UVERSE headed by Yale and Rocky Allen and Ajay Iyer collected $50,000 in a day, but the surprise of the day was SIR who collected $1,000,000 and broke all the records of collections, Nirmal being very happy with sir recommended him for the post of Chokeshwar which was formerly held by Thomas, when asked the reason for aad faad collection, paapey said that it was because he knew that there was ek shaam sunny ke naam for the winner of contest, and Nirmal has promised to fund it only if paapey were to allow him to join in to the party the title would be "Badalti zindagi, kal bobby aaj sunny". Yale, Rocky and AJ were reportedly cursing Papey (whom they call Irshuk or man of jealousy), they said that he did black magic to win the contest, however pendrick guys lead by John Ray (John the Hunter) and Cain Sailors (also known as Kaala Choosli) contested that they should get preference over anyone else since they have the highest "commission rate", but papey has decided to approach "Illogy" for arbitration because only he can take final call on sunny's fate, who has done a lot of tapasya to praise Illogy baba, Attorny Mckall has contested that his client (Papey) should get preference over anyone since he is singh, and singh is king! (though it was illogical, but people didn't impose anymore questions to Mckall since his fake "Pondicherry" accent make him sound like a Thug and they can't understand him regardless), coming back to the view of another prominent lawyer Shruti George (who worked on case "Racial Remarks on Nirmal" in Alla mallu kaali kuttu court) said that Nirmal should get the first preference since Nirmal is Papey's T/L, Position which Papey and Sunny don't concur with.(considering nirmal's hair and color of skin) Papey has also approached Baba, who is considered to be the greatest devotee of Illogy and sacrificed his health in process of executing illogy's ideals. According to Avin Patrick, a prominent "Daane-shwar" there should be rapid recruitment of ESR's in company and he voluntereed to discharge an addional duty till the vacancies are populated, following which the Akhil Vishwa Gay Parishad (AVGP) has called on for "Vishwa Bandh" wherein promiment gays would take part all over the work, John and Avin has reportedly called Guddu Thakur for a days leave and they are reportedly leaving for Amsterdam this evening Infuriated by all this, ISI has called for "jehad against Gays" in India, and demanded that they would only stop it if sunny is gifted to them, a demand which President Angelo Patil has vehemently denied, Opposition lead by George Kane has called on govt to answer the said questions, Kane has said that he will not leave until the questions are answered and has met Sachin Yadav, Ruth Banerjee among others to work out a concerte solution, and George has decided not to shoot off of the turf until the government gives in, and he wants to pitch for more goodies for debt collectors, finally giving into George's Demand (Nobody can argue with George anyway) PM will hold a meeting with Obama, where he may ask for Tom Cruise as a reward for John ray (who was highest collector in Pendrick) and Angelina joly for Ajay (Both are in 40's) addionally Pamela Anderson would be arranged for yale (both are senior citizens) and selena gomez for Rocky Allen (both are minors), happy at the arrangement tracmail is reported to have 0% attrition yet again!
Thomas wins the Chess Championship John Commits suicide!
Thomas Noval, Popularly known as chokesh, who is most feared human being (although his human status is a subject of great controversy) has triumphed against the most clever, smart and intelligent John. Such was the amount of vississitution that even the reporter with Mahua news who broke the news "Nirmal Pandey" was troubled with "Mirgi" and special Stale Vada pav was brought from 2nd Floor to wake him up, something that he prolificly consumes as a cost cutting measure. Though shockingly it was initially speculated that Thomas used his brain, a commodity which Thomas rarely uses, but all the rumors vanished in thin air the moment people realized that Thomas used his own "sadakchaap" rules to win the game. According to the book "ChokoChokadi" authored by Sir Thomas, it is far to move pawn for 6 steps in a row, move bishop straight and castle the horse, and those who oppose "ChockoChokadi" is terrorised by trophy and other means something that people like Baba and Mallya are well aware of, the refree of the match Guddu Thakur advised players to play with normal chess rules, however it took couple of trophies from Thomas for Guddu to concede to his insane demand (Those who know Thomas would never be surprised by the word INSANE) In addition to the above things, when John (Hunter as he is popularly known) who was playing with White pieces had the most attacking position, Thomas asked him to change the board and started to play with white pieces (he said this move is known as trophological Casteling, though nobody has ever heard the name of this book ever before) then Then he approached the publisher friend Ambi Kabadi (with whom he had a business of extortion) and asked him to edit the book, which he gladly did. Jumping into the bandwagon, Vinko, Bholu and Siddhu Claimed that they had similar experiences in Football, Cricket and Kabbadi, as Thomas would throw and ball and force the empire to call it a Ball, appeal for lbw when the ball is way outside the off stump and so on! One day Bholu who plays in Tower 2 claimed that Thomas started using Bat to hit a Football!! Defiant Thomas refuted all the allegations and termed them as absurd, therafter a case was filed in Aatmaram Court of Arbitration, and even there Thomas started bully the Judge by using his tactics, as usual the judge called him a negro (something which he often hears, thanks to color of his skin) which resulted in clashes all accross the united states, and Sir Kuljinder Singh was called to mediate, but Thomas was calling the shots! yet again! Commenting on this issue, BA LLB MSc Mtech and 10th pass Yogesh (Retro Yogi as he is popularly known) has said that it was business as usual for thomas and his team who earlier clashed with Nirmal Pandey on Racial Remarks issue and threatened the manorma magzine's boss of dire consequences when his Topless photo wasn't published on popular magazine where he demanded that along with Savita Bhabi, a Cartoon series of Thomas Bhaiyya should be published as well. Reported from Trophy Nagar, Choko Pura district. !Mahua News!
John bids farewall, huggies sales up by 300%
According to the recent sales figures of the sales dept of Huggies Inc, following the farewell of Sir John Hunter, the sales figures were up by 300% despite of recession, According to VF Achyutanandan, the employees were motivated with the idea of selling the ultra light John pad (promotional offer with John's face SCRUB on it), and reportedly on the farewell day alone the sale was 1000% DoD (day on day), reportedly Vendors at APMC were selling John Pad instead of carrot, orange etc, so was the demand that Agriculture minister directed farmers to grow huggies instead of wheat and PA sangma and Mukerjee both promised to reign in the alarming hike in John pad and promised that Sir john would be felicitated in Rastrapati Bhavan, Jubliant at the magnificent acheivement, AIGF has conferred GayRatna (Yes its Gay and Not something else), as good as one may have, john who recently resigned from Tracmail was greeted with sheer enthusiam from co-workers, who were flocking to tower #4 from all over the world, for his last sight, tracmail where his muscular body and hairy chest eluded every one and some prominent ones like bobby shifted her residence to Raghuleela mall, just to keep an eye on him. John who was reportedly signed up for dostana 2, whose lead protagonists are John, baasi pillai and Olive Rane, would also feature villians like Chandan Choosli, Joseph budbak and others, according to director Dhananjay Fernandes, this movie is set to cross 100 billion barrier, and the positive reviews have brought smile on the face of Dr Mahimkar whose intensive reasearch on subjects (John and Baasi) has resulted in the movie, along with the preview there would be a Maha Choco bhoj where Johns and others would be falicitated, Which would be followed by a quiz contest by Sir MP PHd, Mphil MBBS Gaurav Khurrana, and those who win the contest will get 2 days 2 night with John to Gaygarh (in Homopura), Gregory and Sir has already applied in advance as registration lines are only available for 24 hours
_In a recent and very shocking development, 3 agents have been marked tardy for using Nirmal's statues as scarecrow, our special correspondent Peter Norman has reported this event from Bhagalpur, In past too, these 3 agents namely Baba Bimari, Sweety Supari, and Ambi Kabaadi were accused of racial comments like Kaalia, Nakli Baal against the veteran Supervisor, According to his attorney Shruti George, these notorious guys were indulged in same act and this time a defamation lawsuite has been filed in alla-mallu-kalli-kuttu court, which also is the hometown of the victim, but according to the defense lawyer Retro Jones, "calling spade a spade is not fit for charges of defamation", in simple no law is violated for calling Negro a Black guy or vice versa but when asked about his hair, he clarified that since victim's hairs are so hard that they appears like wig, however notwithstanding both the parties, the Judge has called for independent commission to examine his hair, where the victim would go through a hair test in Rayden Labs, where scientists like Arsalan Chureshwar, and Vinod Bangadu is expected to lead tests, additionally animal specialist Savinay has been called in to ensure that fair process is laid before pronouncing the verdict. According to a popular belief, victim (nirmal) who recently joined BSP (Bahujan Samaj Party) is a great admirer of Mayawatiji, though he hasnt yet been promoted to a post where he can carry her sandles, but got a ticket to run from Tinsukhiya for last assembly elections, where he got superstars like Rakhi Sawant, Poonam Pandey etc and prominent leaders like Laloo, Gajadhar Prakashmal Langothia and others to campaign for him. And many in media speculates that Nirmal is doing this all for cheap publicity, whereas his attorny Shruti has contested that nirmal was already as popular as Rajni, which sparked violent protests in Tamil Nadu and effigies of Nirmal and Shruti were burnt, CM of TN has blamed Nirmal for all this mess and claimed that Nirmal is a paid ISI agent, which has chilled down Indian Security Establishment, resulting in immediate CBI probe called by the Prime Minister Dr Kuljinder Singh. When mauwa news asked the source of her allegations, TN CM (popularly Known as Amma) said that it was pretty obvious as Nirmal was Darker than even darkest of south Indian like Thomas Pace, and had hair as hard as compared to their Jamacian Counterparts like Gayle and Zimbabwians like VC Musy Sibanda.
Agitation Led By Sir Singh Storms US Congress
_Unsatisfied at not receiving client incentive despite of meeting their MR's consistently, night shift guys lead by Sir Kuljinder Singh have called for violent agitation against MD-Raj, according to Sir Singh (popularly known as Paa-pey), he held talks with all the stake holders including MD, Client (for not being geneous to shower money on him) and also few debtor's who refused to pay their bills despite of following up with them after every 48 hours, and working for 10 hours a day (Since he never took break because of increase in prices of 2nd Floor Special Samosa Pav) Sir Singh asked all the night shift union workers to come together and start an agitation which would be a enforced in 3 levels, wherein priliminary stage would consist of Nautanki in Front of MD's Cabin thereafter they would go on Collection Hadtaal and after that dollar-yatra, permission from ACP Duryodhan has already been saught. With PM Manmohan Singh not succumbing to his demand, Paapey is expected to meet Barack Obama on Sunday and Chairman of world Bank on Monday in New York. Americans, being overwhelmed at paapey's arrival has thrown a holiday, US govt has announced public holiday for 7 days, all debtor's will leave the country since they fear Paapey's harassment who have been calling them continuiously day and night. There Papey would be conferred Presidential Medal of Harassment because of his great work in developing different techniques of harassment which he is expected to Share with Macron lola. Paapey is expected to meet a huge gathering of debtors living on social security and unemployment and urge them to pay more "sincerely" so that he can meet atleast 200% of his MR, thereafter he is expected to address the joint session of US Congress and deliver a speech against giving more freedom to debtors and he will also call upon congressmen to abolish FDCPA laws since debtor who promised him to pay 35 dollars 29 cents sent a money order instead of CC, which was gross violation of "collector's right", or atleast ask them to introduce Fair Consumer Debt Practices Act (FCDPA)
Massive Preparations for Pam Ekadashi Underway
_Pam ekadashi to be celebrated at wankhede. Reporting from revenge-pur According to the recent reports, it is widely speculated that Pam Ekadashi would be celebrated in wankhede stadium, according to Finance Min Pranab Mukherjee this big ticket event would bring revenues in excess of 143 Crore. Keeping the event in mind, the security has been beefed up at wankhede, though exact arrangements have not been revealed due to security reasons. Many Big and Famous personalities like Mayawati, Laloo, KRK, Dolly Bindra, Bobby Darling etc have been roped in for this big ticket event, though it took ronny himself to convince SRK and Salman to appear since both were busy in releasing their new movie "humara dostana tumri preet" According to Ronny's interview to Mahua TV, A superb song of Himesh Reshmiya would commence the event, following by a rocking performance by Rakhi Swant (who is currently in Badlapur to welcome Lady Gaga), simultaneously declious dinner from Norman & Norman Caterars would be served which would include bacchi bhajji, john pakoda, aadhe biryani to name a few. there is a special lounge for members of AIGF which would be looked over by Bobby (where Karan and SRK to join) The total cost of this massive event is estimated at 420 Crore, majority of it would come from AADHE investment pvt All nearby areas namely Reville Marg, Alvin Chowk, Terence Naka, Ruth Nagar have been renovated, and is considered well suitable for ultra expensive cars like Macrrari, Vinkyota, AJ-honda etc. Even corporate India couldn't have resisted temptation to launch big schemes on this massive event, Reliance came up with PTC (Pam Talk Card), where user can make unlimited calls to any numbers for free (only applicable for flirting), vodafone also launched nakli salman to pam rate cutter and airtel come up with choti bacchi recharge.
_Tracmail Shifts to Nariman Point
_Tracmail Shifts to Nariman Point Tower#4, Mahua news Reporting : According to the recent reports, Tracmail is planning to shift their corportate office from Vashi to Nariman point effective 1st of January 2012. According to our correspondent Savita Bhabhi, the new development has cheered all trackers (emp of tracmail), and HR dept is expecting 0% attrition in the coming months since all the trackers are excited of new prospects and opportunity which places like nariman point offers, like availabilty of rich and handsome chicks and dudes. An official opening is expected to take place on 1st Jan at Pandey Gymkhana in the auspicious presence of Bobby Darling and Begum Nawazish Ali. Nirmal Pandey, incharge of the opening ceremony put a lot on stake to rope in Bobby and Begum for inaguration, and thanks to his soft skin, supple chicks and rosy lips, they were finally convinced. The event is expected to start at 9 am with MD Sir Kuljinder Singh lighting a diya in front of the grand Idol of Illogy, and then everyone is expected to garland Illogy's Weapon for a bright future, which would be followed by a Fashion show and Celebrities like Pam Rayden, Shelby Abrahim/JONES, Maya Davidson, Savinay Sidhwani and others, later a singing competition would be organized wherein great singers like Ambi Ajay Iyer and Dolly Bindra are expected to sing. at 12 PM Bodybuilder's show will take place and builders like Baba, Ronny, Yale, Peter Norman etc would showcase their muscles chests and six packs. Additionally a Bonus Pack of Thomas Fairness Cream would be gifted to every participant, which has raised eyebrows, considering the color of Thomas which is a real obstacle in promoting any fairness cream.Additionally "Baba's Fitness Secret" Supplement is also expected to be launched.The programme would end with Kaamchors like Sheldon, Alvin Davis and others sharing tips for kaamchori. This event would be covered by all the leading news channels like Mahua, FTV etc. and all eyes are set on Tracmail's great leap forward.